The Mad Hatette
by Aislinn the Imaginary
Summary: One ordinary summer day, another girl falls down a rabbit hole. It's too bad she's not Alice- Underland could definitely use one.
1. I Blame the Cat

I, as I knew very well, was not your average person. No, I wasn't strong, or brave, or even very

nice sometimes. But I was young, and not fully used to human society. In fact, I didn't like it at all. As

for looks, I was tall- for my age. Not the skinniest of girls, but not fat. I had pale skin and long, dark

brown hair, tied back in a sloppy ponytail most of the time.. I usually wore a

dark-colored T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans, preferably without shoes. I don't like shoes. But on with

the story!

It was the 29th of May, and my school was out for Summer Vacation.

"Why don't you go outside?" My mother suggested. I rolled my eyes and put my laptop down on the

couch.

"Too..bright." I made my hands into claws and hissed like some sort of nocturnal animal.

"Oh, come on." She said. "Just go play or something."

"Got no one the play with." I complained. It was true- all my friends were gone on vacation.

"Then play with a cat." My mom pointed to Jake, one of our five cats, who happened to be walking past.

"Fine, fine. C'mon, Jakey." I grabbed him and bounded down the stairs and into the bright, southern

sunlight. The black-and-white Tuxedo cat meowed in protest, so I set him down on the grass.

Immediately, he ran off into the bushes.

"Get back here!" I exclaimed, stumbling after him. "Jake!"

"Mrreow!" He called out, still lurking in the bush.

"No way, kitten. I am _not _going in there."

"Rrreeow!"

"Just come out already!"

"Myyreeew!"

"Gaah!" I groaned, getting down on my knees and crawling into the bush. "Well, when mommy

complains because of grass stains, I'm gonna tell her it's your fault." Jake didn't reply, but just stared at

me like, 'Okay?' He turned around and ran through the bushes, towards the woods behind our house.

"Jake!" I called and crawled after him. Soon we reached the woods, and I found out what Jake was

chasing. It was a large white animal, judging by the only thing I saw of it, which was white fur. A cat or

rabbit, maybe? I thought. Suddenly, he stopped abruptly. I crawled forward, stumbling and tripped

over Jake. I grabbed the cat in desperation, tumbling head over heels into a huge hole.

"......."


	2. Boggled Directions

I screamed, clutching Jake in clenched hands. When I realized that we were _still_ falling, I stopped

screaming and listened to it echo. A lamp flew past us, followed by a bookshelf, which dumped papers

all over me. Then I saw that we were getting closer to the bottom, and tried to twist around so that

I wouldn't fall on my stomach- like a cat. Speaking of which, I let go of Jake, as he would have no trouble

landing.

We hit the floor with two loud 'thumps', and a moan from me.

"Auuugh…" I rubbed my tailbone, which hurt badly. After I got over the pain of that, I noticed

something weird. (Well, this whole thing was weird, but you get my point.) My hair was standing

straight up! Before I could guess why, gravity decided to work correctly again and dumped me

onto the floor.

"Weird…" I said aloud. "Hmm…Since I fell onto the ceiling, that means that the ceiling is the ground- or,

what would be considered the ground, from up top.. Which means that 'up' is the direction under my

feet. Wow.." Feeling better after getting my directions straight, I decided to investigate the room.

It was small and round, with several doors lining the walls, and a small table in the middle.

"Meeewwrr!" Jake whined from next to a wall.

"What is it?" I asked, walking over to him. Then I saw the tiny door next to the cat. "Good job, kitten. But

I don't think I'll fit through that.." I shook the little door handle. "And it's locked."

Then I remembered the table and went over to it. On the top were a small key and a little glass

bottle with a tag that said 'Drink Me'.

"Drink me.." I murmured, eyes widening. "Wait..this is….Wonderland?! Eeeeeek!" I had a happy spaz. I

picked up the key in one hand, and the shrinking potion in the other. After staring at the bottle for a

moment, I took a sip. Gagging and spitting- That drink was worse than liquid medicine- the room began

to grow. Or rather, I began to shrink.

When I was about Jake's height, the shrinking stopped. I made sure to grab the tiny growing cake under

the table, and walked over to the door. The key fit in easily, and when I opened the door, Jake sped out into

the unknown forest. Typical.

"Jake!" I hissed.

"What?" A male voice called back.

"Huh- Oh, sorry! I was..talking to my cat.." I apologized, looking around for the guy.

"Yeah, I know. What do you want?" He repeated.

"Well..I suppose I want my cat to come back?" I said, but it sounded like a question. Then Jake emerged from a bush of odd-colored flowers and walked over to me.

"Could've just said that in the first place." He said, in plain _English_.

"You can talk?!?!" I squealed happily.

"…I could always…Wait..._you _can talk?" The cat sounded equally surprised, but not quite as happy. "And weren't you a little..taller, before?"

"Oh, that reminds me." I took a bite of the cake, and watched as everything shrunk in comparison, until I was about my normal size. "That's better!" I put the remains of the potion, cake, and the key in my pocket. "Well, let's go!" I exclaimed, pointing in a random direction.

"Go where?" Jake asked.

"I have absolutely no idea."


	3. Vengeful Plotting

After wandering around aimlessly for about an hour- being mocked by large flowers the whole

time- Jake and I decided to stop and rest.

"You're going _nooowhere!_" A sunflower teased. I rolled my eyes at it.

"If I was nowhere, I wouldn't be here, would I?" I remarked.

"Well- then you're not going nowhere, either!" The flower said, angry at being outsmarted.

"….That's a double-negative."

"You're a double-idiot!" The sunflower said childishly, as Jake squinted his eyes in annoyance.

"Let's get double-out-of-here." He started walking away from the flower, and I followed, turning back

to stick out my tongue at it.

As we kept walking, the forest started to get slightly…creepier. Fog, or mist, or whatever it was,

swirled around Jake and me, sometimes going ahead and waiting for us to catch up. Curiously, I stuck

my hand into the fog and watched it recoil. It started to thicken and formed a wide, slightly creepy smile

and bright blue eyes. Staring in awe, I slowly pulled back my hand.

"I was wondering when you'd notice." The cat- as the mist was now forming the shape of one- said

casually.

"_I_ was wondering when I'd find something _normal _here." I replied.

"Normal?" The cat grinned wider. "Why would you want _normal?_ Not that we have anything like that.

You see, we're all mad here." My grin almost matched the cats.

"I've been called mad, a few times…"

"Then you'll fit right in. Even though you aren't Alice." The cat slowly disappeared, his huge smile being

the last thing to fade away.

"Alice…" I echoed. "Wonderland….Ever." Then I remembered my other feline friend, and

noticed that Jake was gone. But there was a clear path leading onwards- though I couldn't recall seeing

it before- and I decided that he must've gone that way.

I could hear voices up ahead, and a loud screech of "YOU'RE LATE!"Eyes widening, I stepped

forward and took in the scene. First of all, there was a _very_ long table, with tons of plates and teacups

and silverware laid out on it. In each spot were chairs, which varied from armchairs to rocking chairs

to plastic seats and lawn chairs. At the head of the table was a man with a large top-hat, frizzy orange

hair, and wild…makeup? On one side of him was a rabbit wearing a messed-up suit, and on the other

side was a mouse, which was also dressed.

"There's no room!" The mouse cried, after noticing me. "No room for two more!"

~ 333333333333333333333333333333~

In the ruins of the Red Queen's castle, a young boy sulked. His greasy, jet-black hair hung limp

as he held his head in his hands. His forehead creased in a way that was much too old for him, and

his mouth was set in a frown.

"Octavian, sir- Are you alright?" A fish waddled up to the boy. He turned his head and looked at the fish.

"I'm fine." He replied blankly. "Just thinking."

"About what, sir?" The fish asked. Octavian sighed.

"I don't know? Everything?" He paused for a moment. "Our plan, I suppose."

"Well, if you need anything, sir, just call for me." The fish waddled away. Octavian rose from the piece of stone he was sitting on and walked up the stairs, then into a room. His eyes wandered around the room, pausing on the dresser. The boy went up to it and took a small, heart-shaped object off the top. It was half black and half red. Octavian held the eye patch up to the mirror, then placed it on his own left eye.

"Perfect fit." 


End file.
